We spent all day yesterday unpacking and cleaning and finally, at around 6 pm, our apartment began to resemble a place where people live instead of where nomads occasionally visit.
I’ve been contemplating the new year and the idea of resolutions. I usually do them with my family but this year I am left to them on my own and late. I’m not going to post them on my blog, for fear of falling into a certain cliched pattern, but suffice to say that I feel recognizing and writing them down is a good place to start.
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*I Hate
By C. K. Williams
*courtesy of Poetry
I hate how this unsummoned sigh-sound, sob-sound,
not sound really, feeling, sigh-feeling, sob-feeling,
keeps rising in me, rasping in me, not in its old disguise
as nostalgia, sweet crazed call of the blackbird;
not as remembrance, grief for so many gone,
nor either that other tangle of recall, regret
for unredeemed wrongs, errors, omissions,
petrified roots too deep to ever excise;
a mingling rather, a melding, inextricable mesh
of delight in astonishing being, of being in being,
with a fear of and fear for I can barely think what,
not non-existence, of self, loved ones, love;
not even war, fuck war, sighing for war,
sobbing for war, for no war, peace, surcease;
more than all that, some ground-sound, ground-note,
sown in us now, that swells in us, all of us,
echo of love we had, have, for world, for our world,
on which we seem finally mere swarm, mere deluge,
mere matter self-altered to tumult, to noise,
cacophonous blitz of destruction, despoilment,
din from which every emotion henceforth emerges,
and into which falters, slides, sinks, and subsides:
sigh-sound of lament, of remorse; sob-sound of rue,
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